27

At the moment I feel pretty useless. . . I guess this is a common problem for new Post-Grads. Spend all this time staving at the computer, pleasing the professors, doing everything possible to get your ass out of school. This thing we call “getting an education.” Once its all over the only thing I have to look forward to is being a barely employed 27 year old. Its funny how we spent years learning a new talent that we dream of using to give ourselves a feeling of self independence only to end up applying for a dead end retail job to just pay the bills.
I don’t know what its like for others, but I seem to have the worst time answering the damn assessment questions these retail applications have. If you Had’t had the fine privilege of filling out one of these online forms, I’ll briefly describe it to you. First you have to create an almost useless username and password in which you can use to return to the application process. They do this because your about to take a assessment test in which you’ll be asked 55 to 95 questions. Some of these test are just about as hard as my Senior year finals. (By the way, what the hell is an assements test? The only thing I can figure out is that its just a way to find out if you’re a complete jackass or thief. Either way the test is flawed because if you’re a thief you better be smart enough to lie on the questions anyways). Most of the questions asked in the workforce test are based on a Likert Scale from Strongly Disagree to Strongly Agree. These questions kick my ass due to my dyslexia switching the Strongly’s to their exact opposites. Each application takes about 30 to 45 minutes just to fill out. This doesn't even include the time it takes to fill out the previous work experience.
Another thing that sucks about applying for work in this time and age, everything is non-interpersonal. Forget about the days when a man could walk into a store and talk to a manager about open positions. Today they tell ya just to drive home and fill out an online application. If you’re the lucky bastard on that right moment to submit an application at the 3AM time the manager actually checks the human resources email for new employee forms, you just might get the job. Most managers seem to be looking for friends or blood relatives to hire anyways.
Another new development for Chris G is that I moved to Provo, Utah after getting married. As an East Coast man, Happy Valley is very strange place for me. I feel completely out of my element. A literal Alien among my own countrymen. Living in Provo is like being the main character in my very own Twilight Zone esipode. Eyes constantly watching, religious leaders at the front door checking in on you. The feeling that you must simulate or you’ll be forsaken from the community. What makes it even stranger is that people didn’t even acknowledge that I lived here until I shared my beard. My neighborhood is also married couple only area. Maybe I’ll survive this Twilight experience. Only time will tell.
Being 27 is also a real bumber for me. I saw myself being more successful. I usually find myself lying in bed starring at my white ceiling questioning my vain existence as a man. About the only good thing about my bed is having my wife next to me, however sometimes that too can be a pain. Its not that I don’t like sharing my bed it just that my wife gets into these weird touching phases. In the early morning hours she’ll rub my tummy. This action always wakes me from the dead of sleep. She’ll go through these phases where she’ll pet me without realizing it. Maybe my lack of sleep is causing me to be more paranoid then usual. Frankly its hard to tell.